I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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