So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
