Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
