i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
