I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
