What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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