My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There was a lot of him and a little penis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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