You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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