i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
