It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
