Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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