i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
how does that bad decision feel?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
