I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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