At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
