im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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