What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
