That reminds me...we need to get swords
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
