he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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