actually, I'm a sock model
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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