The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
