I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
