I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
