420 ftw
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
