Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
