3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
