before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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