Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
