I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
