from now on my penis is your penis
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
