So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
