he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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