he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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