Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
