Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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