She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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