i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
