My friends, they love my intelligence
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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