Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
