I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
