My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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