No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
