I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
