Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
