I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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