That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish there were birth control emojis
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
