sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
