I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
