I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
