What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
