i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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