STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize