i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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