its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
