I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i have two assholes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
