I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
