I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
