My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
