i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
