Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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