i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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